The Innkeeper's Grin lyrics/music by Edie Marshall
Keep the Customer Satisfied by Simon & Garfunkel

(spoken) Let’s face it, no one can have a good day everyday. Things happen in a person’s life that can interfere with their ability to give the guest their fullest attention. It only takes one child failing school or touch of the flu to distract you and leave the guest feeling unappreciated and liable to take their business elsewhere to someone who does care about their needs.

You need to understand that what matters most is not sincerity, but rather, the appearance of it. So, today, I’m going to teach you how to fake a realistic smile.

A smile is an effective tool to increase customer satisfaction and overall well-being. And best of all, it’s absolutely free and easy for anyone to do.

There are two simple steps to the perfect smile. First, raise the edges of your mouth to a comfortable, upturned position. Teeth are not necessary, although they create an extra special touch. Be careful not to open your mouth too wide, however, as this can be a difficult, painful position to hold for an extended period of time. Relax your muscles and let the smile become a seemingly natural facial feature.

Secondly, and most importantly, the difference between a fake smile and a “realistic” fake smile, is all in the eyes. Squint them ever so slightly to create a “twinkling” effect. Those extra lines might not be flattering, but your guest will be flattered by the gesture.

Now, turn to the person to your right and try out your new grin. (pause) Hard to do without laughing when you know what you’re doing, isn’t it?

But, I assure you, with a little practice, this smile will feel natural, and the smiles you receive in return will equal revenue that cannot be measured in dollars alone.

(Keep the Customer Satisfied)

Gee, but it's great to be back home,
home is where I want to be.
I've been on the road so long, my friends,
and, if you came along, I'm sure you wouldn't disagree,
it's the same old story.
Everywhere I go I get slandered, liabeled,
I hear words I've never heard in the Bible,
and I'm one step ahead of the shoeshine,
two steps away from the county line,
just trying to keep my customers satisfied, satisfied.

The deputy sherriff says to me,
"Tell me what you come here for, girl,
you better get your bags and leave,
you're in trouble girl, and now you're heading in for more."
It's the same old story.
Everywhere I go I get slandered, liabled,
I hear words I've never heard in the Bible,
and I'm so tired, yes, I'm so tired,
but I've got to keep the customers satisfied, satisfied...